Own your destiny/doom

I'm a little bit crazy, always have been. I think that if I were to follow my path that I may get into an accident and die, because the decisions I may take aren't rooted in the normal reality. Rather it would be intuition, and who knows what forces beyond have influence over me. so I've always thought I would be led in-front of a truck by unseen forces and KABLAM, no more Samuel. This is not suicidal thinking, its not rooted in depression so have no fear that I will top myself, its got nothing to do with that.

Its more to do with: breaking out into song in a public place because you want to. getting up and walking through that door simple because you felt something. laughing heartily for the thoughts in your head when other people are around to see you. Walking your path, the path nobody else can see, that you don't know where it leads, it might lead in-front of a truck.

But there exists fear of my path leading me to my doom on a whim because I am a little bit nuts. I never want to disappoint my family this way, for me to pass on before them. Because that's the risk I would have to take, to take responsibility for my path and for my doom. If I just live a quiet life then my family can rest assured that my death will be an accident, not my fault, at old age, or not. I wont have to live with the guilt that my choices caused my family pain, because I never make any.

I'm not disappointing my family by not dying.
I'm disappointing them by not living.

I do live OK so far BTW, I just like to think about these things. There is so much more that we all could do given we have the bravery to take responsibility for our doom/destiny and have the emotional support and understanding of our loved ones. Encourage each other on our paths, no matter where it leads, and be happy in our shared experience of this fleeting existence.