Posts

Van build RSS feed

Hi so a quick post about rss feeds.

I've recently ditched facebook because it was barely usable and their ethics are questionable at best.

Anyway, I use gitlab.com to manage my projects and the van build is no exception, it might not be source code yet, but the interior works will become so more and more as time goes on.

at the moment its mainly issue tracking, comments and pictures, which when viewed from its activity stream is something i would like to show everyone, lucky for me gitlab exports an rss feed of activity streams :D

here it is: https://gitlab.com/enetheru/fezzik.atom?feed_token=9J2-Js5kJyMNFbhobsMy

You'll need an RSS reader, I use feedly since google reader shutdown.

It's actually really nice to see things in chronological order without adverts.

All the major social media platforms massage the feed to keep you engaged. I just prefer to see in order posts from my subscriptions and not have anyone mess with that or inject their own stuff in there.

If feedly s…

What was chemo like for me?

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I spent a few months having chemo? doing chemo? on chemo? I don't know what the right way to say this is.

I find myself unable to talk much about this topic, it feels like when someone tells you a bad story and you just dont want to hear it, when I go to write about this I get that same feeling. I would talk about it except I dont want to. I'm usually happy to talk about it with friends if they have questions, but I dont want to go searching memories and documentation for the details because I simply dont want to remember.

That being said.. I'm trying anyway

My cycle was four weeks long and i had like 7 or 9 cycles or something like that.
Week 1 all day Monday then nothing Week 2 Recovery Week 3 Mornings Monday to Friday Week 4 Recovery  Week one and three had different types of chemo, i only remember the acronyms of VAC and IE. I know V was for vincristine, C was for cyclophosfamide or something, Here's a link for more information.
Honestly considering all the documen…

Confest Easter 2018 - Oh man what a trip.

This was my first ever bush camping festival.

No order to the ramblings.

The mens circle was better than expected, but only until after I left did I
feel more grounded. During I felt disconnected from men more than anything else because their experiences they related were so different to how I think about things but then I only get to hear their two minute tale and it doesn't reflect their reality in their mind, just their ability to express it. I found myself unable to express myself in any meaningful way during the circle, but some stuff was close to the surface bubbling away. The explanation that due to emotional and physical trauma that I maintain a primarily neutral emotional state, avoiding the lows, but preventing the highs, really hit me in the feels.

I met a girl Sarah, who I danced with on thursday night and I felt we made a
great connection I talked to her a lot over the weekend, I hope I have made a new friend. She has my contact details but I don't have hers :|

I…

Just keep swimming

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So what the fuck have I done all week?

Activate brain thing. warning we detect the presence of alcamahol. cognitive function may be impaired.

Dentist
Umm, I went to the dentist, hells yeah! and bonus my teeth aren't as bad as expected. the dentist was a little worried because i have been through a bunch of chemo so that can affect the food hole tools.

I also went and had an x-ray and now have to arrange appointments for fillings but that's what it takes.

Auction
I watched a government auction, and vans are way more expensive than I imagined, so my expectations are shifting. Instead of getting a longer term thing I am aiming for a break even as soon as possible and do the bare minimum to survive, so that means an old cheap shit van, do up the inside and when it fails, buy a new one and rip out the insides from one and put it in the new one.

It will make it a sort of iterative design which is okay.

Trading
Sold some things on gumtree, or did I do that already.. nope I sold them th…

Too sane for my own good

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Back to where we were, here is the post from February 25th 2016

"Had breakfast at Bambi's Kitchen on East Terrace with Ian and Gaia this morning before heading to the doctors. , cheers for the service Vish :D I recommend it. SO.. Update time. Bringing those people who don't know up to speed, I had a preliminary diagnosis of cancer a few weeks ago.
what had started as abdominal pain(similar to wind/gas) sent me to the doctor who recommended a CT which found a 9.5cm soft tissue mass..
for a quick guide to how large that is its about the size of my fist. there is another mass, and a lesion on my liver.
Of course when you find something like that you need to find out what it is, so i had a biopsy, and the prelim results showed a rare kind of cancer.
since then i have had another CT of abdomen and chest, and a whole body PET scan to check for any additional parts of my body Fast forward to this morning and I get the results of the PET scan.
First the good news, no evidence that th…

Nowhere is scary

The closer I get to living nowhere the more anxiety I feel about it.
This last week and a bit, because it's Thursday and not Sunday Organised a loan for the future vehicle, waiting on approvalRequested and received help from my bestie Annie's dad Paul in purchasingFinished packing, I don't have anything left in the house except that which is for sale.Posted gumtree adds for the remainder of the itemsPlanned for test drives this coming SaturdayPacked up my car, it all fits yay!Started scouting locations to crash and relax, so far so good.Decided on waiting six months before publishing information about homelessness in case of negative attention having an impact on meTested my gym shower routine, so far so good but a bit coldScouted locations for sleeping, street lights are the worst. need to figure something else out.Where am I going to dry my towel? :( The biggest one is sleep, and relaxation. A single night of scouting has made me very uncomfortable for my immediate futur…

Winning the shittest lottery

Hmm, so last time I got my biopsy done.

What do I remember from that time, Ian being a great friend and holding my hands a bit, Sam, Ronan, the stalwarts Annie and Annie, many tears with my sister Kathryn.

I was told that it was called Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor. or DSRCT or short. Ian my doctor friend did a little bit of reading on the subject and came back with a figure of < 15% survival rate over five years.. shit.. the chance of survival is so low.

I want to take a minute to explain something that I havent really talked about very much, and it still largely applies. I'm not overly fond of life, after a pretty bad breakup and planning for suicide I managed to drag myself back to life but the lustre that once was was largely gone, having been replaced with a sort of matrix'y dissociation and lethargy. I had ended up choosing that if life was going to be the way, then It had better be fun, and so that's what I had been pursuing for the previous six or so year…